Apostrophic Chunder

Look how happy the people on the Spam game look! K. won some, I lost it all. I didn't even bet on the horses, because I was too busy loading up at the buffet. Looking over my posts, it occurs to me that a casual reader might think that we spend all of our time in seedy houses of vice throwing our hard-earned dollars away. But it's not like that. We spend a lot of time in department stores throwing our hard-earned dollars away too. But if you boil it all down to rock candy, we're really just throwing away our time - our lives. Grinding 40 hours a week so we can put a dent in a comfortable sofa in front of a nicer, bigger, louder TV. Putting hour after hour on the time clock, chasing the gold watch: the white rabbit receding in the distance down the tunnel of a shrinking retirement. I'm not suggesting that I have a better idea. Consider that I am still in this holding pattern with you. But if I do think of something, I will not share it. After all, somebody has got to keep on oiling the big machine with their labor. I nominate you... you people.

Blog. I know you're just a tiny Hewlett Packard desktop pc that I found in the basement. I know your sticker says you were designed for Windows XP. But here's the thing. I have broken my web server again. Somehow blog, I deleted some utilities that are necessary, and really munged things up trying to get an open source java compiler working. The silliest part is I have no business doing that because I don't know anything about writing java programs. Blog, we've been through a lot together. My toe is touching you right now, down there under the desk. You're a fighter. You can handle running all the domains and other junk while I work on this other server, can't you? You're my main pc! If you do okay with this, I might just keep your power on for another year or two before we send you off to the... Oh nevermind about that, little buddy. Keep on chugging. You can do it!

This is the true story of what happened to me just lately. It's all a blur. The names, events, and facts have been changed to protect the guilty. We were minding our own business in a field and there was a pumpkin storm. The pumpkins did not explode upon striking the ground. There will be times when you are reading my blog and you think, "shouldn't that be hyphenated?" It happens pretty frequently. It might be because I just love run on sentences full of descriptive nouns. Comments are disabled, especially yours.

On the way home from the pumpkin storm, we found that a UFO had crashed in our neighborhood and destroyed a garden style condominium building. Skeptics claim it was a cooking fire. There were a few serious injuries, but no fatalities. All jokes aside, our sympathies go out to those who lost their homes in this fire. It really was right across the street from my house.

This (here) is my pumpkin that I left with the neighbors when we went out for Halloween. I didn't really want to leave it burning unattended in front of our house. Yes, I know there are little battery operated lights you can get to avoid causing a fire hazard. I was too lazy to drive 5 minutes to CVS and get one. Whatever, Shut. Up. This pumpkin owes everything to the Danzig skull.

Later we went somewhere, and that's where I saw this person in an inflatable penis costume. I'm glad I didn't wear my inflatable penis costume. I borrowed kung fu duds from the wizened old sensei next door. Somehow my hair looked like Bruce Lee's in Enter the Dragon. Later in the evening an emaciated special needs single mother with bad skin asked me who I was supposed to be. She had never heard of Bruce Lee, and had never, ever seen a kung fu movie. I was floored.

By now you're sitting there writhing with jealousy of my whirlwind rock star life. But get this: then we went bowling. We didn't do cosmic bowling because they charge you extra to bowl in the dark. I won the first round with an unpublishable bad score. "BroBo" won the second round. We had some cheese sticks, and enjoyed several cubic feet of secondhand smoke.

As if that wasn't enough excitement for one weekend, we played enough guitar hero to cause cramping, headaches, and possibly seizures for the uninitiated. Oh I forgot to mention the strawberry cake with strawberry frosting we had at Ben Doug Sam's reincarnation party! I don't care who you are, it was tasty. I even found time to watch some TV. I'm not one of those people who loftily announces that they don't like to watch TV. I figure that's really NICE, but don't mention it. I don't care. Anyway... SNL sucked, but MythBusters is cool in HD. I guess I knew the movie Hitman would be awful. That's why I didn't put it in my Netflix queue. See, I'm not the only one putting stuff on there. Kelly puts movies on there, but she doesn't care because she falls asleep halfway through every movie. I don't think she's ever seen the end of a movie. So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. You're not recording this are you?